the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
