i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
