No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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