I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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