i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
PANTIES FOUND
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