I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
