I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
