Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
