Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
