...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
