Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
