You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
