Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
