Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
