u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
