i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
