I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
