Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
