I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
