Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
