I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
