I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
