Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I understand Curling. That high.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
