btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
