ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
