oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
