stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
