Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
