the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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