I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
