possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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