So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
