i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
