It's Friday. Sex?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
