Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
