@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I want a musical about memes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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