you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
