If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize