i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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