i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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