did you get engaged???
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
