We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize