Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
