Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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