Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am one with the molecules
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
