It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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