we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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