she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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