New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The air taste purple.
Randomize
