3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
