I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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