Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
