Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
