I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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