so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
