So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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