Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
