Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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