I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just puked most of my soul out..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize