It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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