i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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