did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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