Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
