He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
