i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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