just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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