Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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