My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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