No stitches, just platelets and will power
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
