Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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