He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
