Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
