dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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