her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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