I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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