mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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