i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize