Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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