That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
