just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
