she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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