This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize