how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
