I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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