I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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