We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
