I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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