Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
